Updated: After I wrote this post, I found this quote, "When the illusion of control disappears we become men and women of prayer." It has been true for me, and the illusion of control is certainly gone, and I am thankful for that, if nothing else.
There have been times where I have felt overwhelmed by the prayers of others. I have known, at a deep level, that people are praying for me, and for my family, and I have been upheld by those prayers. I don't really understand prayer at a deep level, it seems like one of those great mysteries to me. God is all seeing, all knowing, all powerful...and yet it matters to Him that we pray. We tell Him things He already knows, we let Him in on deep desires He is aware we have, and we ask for things when he already knows we need them or want them. When we pray for others, we tell Him we care for someone else, we ask Him to be with them, care for them, love on them, send someone to be with them...but we don't know if He does that specifically as a result of our prayers or because He would have anyways.
I know two things for sure.
Prayer changes people--sometimes we are different because we pray, and sometimes we are different because someone prays for us.
Prayer gives God the glory.
Today was a very hard day for me. I still have no church home--something I wanted to have a couple months ago. I still have no home of my own, where my family of 5 can be just us. We still have no income, we still have no direction for the future.
We are navigating another move, another change for our 3 precious kids, and let's be honest. It's rough.
Thursday we said goodbye, one last time to our house--escrow should close Monday or Tuesday.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to some friends.
Tuesday we say goodbye to Gabe's MMA studio, and the teacher we love so dearly, who has been so good to us.
Wednesday Dan says goodbye to the youth group he has been running, and I say goodbye to a part time job and some students I really like working with.
Thursday we say goodbye to grandma and grandpa.
We also say hello to many things, and to many people. It's a little hard to focus on those things right now, but we have encouraged the kids to choose to see the good in all situations--and today they were much better about it than we were. Today they all 3 expressed enthusiasm to move, and it's NOT because they don't like living here. It's because we asked them to focus on the good.
What is missing in my heart right now is that feeling, that knowing, that I am being upheld in prayer. I know that sometimes we seem a little bit invincible, I have been told that a lot lately, but we are not. In fact, we are fighting fatigue, discouragement, and fear. We are fighting, not giving in, but the fight is hard in itself.
Everything I have said before is still true. We still grieve, live, and weep with hope. Our faith has not waivered, we live daily in God's grace. That doesn't make anything easy. It only makes it possible, bearable, right now. And we still are not looking for easy.
Will you pray for me? Will you pray for Daniel? Will you pray for Mckenna, Gabriel, and Juliana?
Thank you if you will.