The weekend had been crazy, with the wedding and then "promotion Sunday" at church, plus a meeting right after church. So when Monday came around we were already tired. Even so, I did not drive my three mooses to 2 different ice cream establishments in order to use their free ice cream certificates they got because it was their birthdays. And if I had, I would not have forgotten to put my wallet in my purse, and so I did not do it without a license. And while I was at it, if, theoretically, the frozen yogurt place had a buy-one-get-one-free deal, I did not opt for that instead of using Mckenna's free coupon. It would not have been at the register that I realized I had no wallet, and I did not pay for the yogurt with our gas card, hoping the cashier did not ask for i.d. And, in case you wondered, she did not ask. I mean, you know, hypothetically.
Dan often has meetings with various church people, and since he works from home and doesn't drink coffee, his meetings are generally over lunch. When I heard him say he was meeting someone at Chik-Fil-A, I did not ask him to bring me some home for my lunch. And if I had, it would not have been while whipping up some gourmet PB&J, with mango and green beans on the side. Had the mooses been paying attention and asked if they could have some too, I would never have said, "No," citing healthy choices as a reason. And once I realized how absolutely hypocritical I was being (with a little help from the hubby), I did not sheepishly tell Dan to forget about it, only to follow that up with, "But could you get your cup refilled with sweet tea on your way out?" In case you were wondering, he did.
On Thursday, when Dan and Gabe came home from Gabe's mixed martial arts lesson, Gabe's hands were wrapped in gauze and his face was beaming. They excitedly explained that Beau, his instructor, had decided that he was old enough now (his fifth birthday was the next day) and was hitting hard enough that he needed "wraps" to prevent injury to his knuckles. Of course I responded with enthusiasm and shared his proud moment. On the inside, however, I did not want to curl up and hold him like a baby and tell him he was never going back!
I would never have worn my "best" pair of jeans to church with a safety pin "stitching" the hole in the back by the pocket, in false pretense that it kept my underwear from peeking through, constantly pulling my long shirt down all morning. And I would certainly not do that on a Sunday Dan was preaching in church. Not me.
Mom and I (she was here for our family birthday party for my 2
little not-so-little-ones) did not spend 2 hours at Kohl's on Friday night, because clearly we were home getting ready for the birthday party. We did not have a verified total savings of $734.52. We did not need a cart to get to the car. We did not justify it with her hard-to-get-your-hands-on 30% off coupon. We did not find the world's cutest and most perfectly fitting valence for the "school room" for, ahem, $3.49 before the 30% off. We did not laugh and giggle our way through every clearance rack. And we did NOT come home and relive the experience all over again with our loot spread all over the living room. That would be ridiculous, even though it would be very, very fun.
I did not decide to ix-nay the surfboard cake I planned to make once we cancelled the "pool" part of the pool party. And I would never have replaced that masterpiece with the oh-so-simple rootbeer float. And if I had, it would have been fine because Gabe doesn't even like cake. However, it might have meant we forgot to sing to the birthday boy and girl, and that is kinda sad.
And last but not least, I did not play soccer for an hour or more at the park with Dan and his brothers and other peeps, only to completely, totally, and utterly lose my voice progressively immediately following the game. But that's a whole other story...