Mom came for a visit today, her first time to see our new home. She mentioned how different life is since we left, because we are the ones moving forward in life, and they are left behind. Not that they need us or are so lost without us, just that their world is the same, but with something missing, whereas our world is all new and exciting and very busy. Then I heard a voice mail from Melissa. She always says things in insightful ways, and I know that she too feels the effects of being left behind.
I got to thinking about moving and about how I go through life. I have a love-hate relationship with moving. It's hard work, it's expensive, and it's always emotional. When we left Arrowhead those emotions were deep, constantly renewed (not in a good way), and harsh. We left a lot of people we loved and all we had known as a married couple. But, there was a purpose in moving, and although there were hard times, God orchestrated our circumstances perfectly. Although my relationships with some people have dimmed, with others, particularly Audrey, my relationships are stronger as a result of having to make time to see each other. But, with that stronger relationship, I miss her a ton, and wish we lived closer so we could see each other more. It's ironic, yea?
When I left Valencia (it feels like years ago, not 2 weeks) it was hard to imagine that my friendship with Melissa could be stronger. We saw each other a ton and had already gone through very hard things together, and had been there for each other. Since coming here my life has been very, very busy--first with getting settled in, both the stuff but also helping the kids deal with the huge change, and now with ministry. I feel like I am in my element. This is what I know and love--having people over, going to camps, meeting needs, being with people a ton, basically putting church at the center of life--but it is all consuming, in a good way. I am busy with good things. Not busy-ness, just the full-swing of life kind of thing.
Therefore, I have neglected other relationships. That's hard--and harder for those neglected than for me who is in a new exciting place.
Melissa and her beautiful kids are coming here on Monday. I plan to enjoy every minute. I love them like family, and can't wait to see them.
I am tired of feeling like I am leaving people behind. I know that I am not doing something wrong--my family is my priority, we are going where God leads us. But going forth without the people who have been your constant companion and strength stinks. I don't like it for me, and I don't like making them miss us.
But, I do love change (can't build habits, remember?), and I do love adventure. I do love knowing that we are in the place God called us, following Him, serving Him--that's a good place to be. And I love starting fresh, especially when it means I got rid of some "stuff" I didn't need, and I have much less baggage--figuratively and literally.
Someday maybe I will do a better job at living in the new and remembering the old at the same time. Someday.