I did not toot my own horn for being such a good mom by feeding Gabe and Jules pancakes and smoothies and packing them backpacks full of toys for a long drive Monday morning, only to be foiled when Jules got car sick. Twice. Not me.
I did not look at Gabe's long awaited false tooth after it was cemented in his mouth and instantly miss his cute little gap that had troubled me for months. That would be silly. Not me.
Dan did not call me to say that the problem with our heater is due to pigeons having been in our attic. He did not also tell me that he had to sign a waiver stating that he understands that if we run our heater we are making our family sick because there is pigeon poop in addition to damaged ducts. I did not freak out in my head about the grossness of that, nor did I get angry because I use vinegar to clean and organic soap to wash dishes. It's not possible that ultra purist me, who keeps toxins and chemicals away from my kids, could have been pumping poison into our lungs. ARG. Not me.
I did not let my kids open their valentines from Grandma 3 days early just so I could get 3 more essays graded. And I am not behind on grading. No way, because I am thankful for my stay at home job, so I would not get behind. Not responsible-never-procrastinating me.
Juli did not blow a tiny piece of cheeto (organic, baked cheeto, of course) out of her nose 4 full days after she had eaten any cheetos. That is gross, dangerous, and scary, so it was not my kid.
I did not take my kids to free movie night at church and sit in back and grade essays. Nope, and if I had done that I would not have actually talked half the time instead. Not me.
I have not cried more times this week than in the past 3 months, and I did not get angry at dumb things all week. I am not an overly emotional person, so why would I do that?
And, I am not sitting here writing this instead of grading more papers. No way, not me.