It's Here

The Holiday season is upon us. Oh yes, it is.

In true to Carlee fashion, I started Advent activities with the kids (meant to be a daily countdown/reminder) early, and yet I am already behind. That's just how I roll.

In case you are looking for an easy, meaningful Advent idea, I am using Truth in the Tinsel. We read a Scripture passage and make an ornament each day, and the kids get to hang their ornaments on a ribbon in their rooms.

We also are reading will be reading this very sweet book about Benjamin Bear's travels to the Christ child that my dear Grandmother sent the kids last year. Each day Benjamin follows the star and meets up with a new character. My sweet mom helped me prepare an ornament for each story that corresponds to that day's character. It will be incredibly fun to do each day...you know, once we actually start. Hopefully by December 3rd.

We are giving gifts to 2 special people: A 3 year old girls whose father is in prison, and a teenager taking care of himself and 2 siblings. What a privilege it is to bring a little joy to 2 such young people. We went shopping tonight--some pink-princess-ballet stuff for the girl... and a Pre-paid Vis@ for the boy. Not as fun to shop for, but certainly to be appreciated.

As of this moment (as in just a few moments ago) I have no essays to grade in my house! Woo Hoo! That is always cause for excitement. I have had 6 sets since late Sept. That's 900 essays in 8 weeks. I remain grateful for my job this season!

Moving on, because that quantity of essays gives me a headache to think about.

December is sure to be packed: 2 regular season soccer games remain, our first piano recital, church programs, my parents here for our Christmas together, parties galore...all slated to end with Daniel's whole family here for New Year's Eve. I am planning a fun, laid back yet super cool "Christmas on New Year's" here and having a great time doing it.

Yes, December has come in full force, and I plan to enjoy every minute of it.

Coach

My life is an assortment of roles, most of which I have chosen and love.


There are the relational ones:


Christian.
Daniel's Wife.
Mckenna, Gabriel and Juliana's Mom.
Rob and Cyndi's Daughter.
Daughter-in-Law and Sister-in Law (although to be honest we usually leave off the in-law).
Friend.


The functional ones:


Pastor's Wife.
Student.
Teacher.
Essay Grader.
Sunday School Helper.
Volunteer.




And the funny ones:

Science Clown.
Little Horse.
Short Order Cook.


I am still adjusting to a new one:  Coach


It's not new, not really, but right now everyone seems to use it as if it's my name. Sometimes they have to say it twice for me to realize I am the subject of their calling.


Famous UCLA coach John Wooden said, "A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment." 


I have discovered how difficult this really is.


I have made players cry this season. One of them I made cry twice. 


I have pushed players to the breaking point.

I have over corrected at times. 

And this is little kids' soccer :o)

But he also said, “Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” 

And I see so much potential in my players. And soccer is only a fraction of that potential.

I see little boys who can be respectful, tough, and fun all at the same time. 

I see little girls who can learn to listen, to work together, and to enjoy sports. 

I see young women who can focus, run complicated plays, share the burden, and be disciplined.

But I don't see any of that coming naturally. It all must be taught.

That is the task of a coach, and it is humbling.

So when I am not hanging out with my kids, relaxing with my hubby, enjoying being at church, or, of course, grading essays, I am watching soccer drill videos, working on my line-ups, and praying for my players. 

I see potential for greatness. 

I want to see growth.

Quick Update, As Usual :o)

What I would love to spend hours reading

What I actually spend hours reading

Let's compare again...

 That stack is approximately 600 essays. I am about halfway through!

And if that makes your head hurt, you are not alone. My head, fingers and eyes hurt. However, as always, I am thankful for this amazing job that allows me to earn money and be HOME with my babies. I also work for great teachers, and I have gained valuable skills plus work history. All of that is good stuff!

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My mom found this active, exciting way for me to test Gabe on his spelling words.

I printed the letters he would need (including multiples) on sticky notes, and alphabetized them.

I would say a word and he would run from the table to the wall and spell the word, one letter at a time, with the notes. He loved it and I see the benefit over sitting still and writing his words--something he is not too fond of. :o)

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And, just for fun and for my own record keeping, the living/dining room (known as the pretty room because the kids are not supposed to make messes here!), which is almost done. We have curtains but no rods to hang them on, and a rug that is not out yet. 

The white door is the front door, and the windows look over the porch and yard to the street.

We have only purchased one piece of furniture out of everything you see. Can you guess which one?

Beautiful couch given to us, leather chair a friend found at a garage sale, beautiful coffee table from Grandma's house, and our fantastic wall unit given to us by someone who no longer could use it. Yes, it's a hodge podge, but we like it that way :o)

My great grandparents' table and desk (in the corner) and our awesome black China Hutch. I love having my family's furniture in my home!

The black piece is our purchase. We lived in a small, 2-bedroom apartment for 9 months with a kitchen that had maybe 4 cabinets. We found this black "bookshelf" unit at a furniture store going out of business and got it very reasonably. I still love it. My mom put the table decorations together for fall--they are so fun! And the eyes on the wall--it's my new favorite thing. Daniel snapped this picture of Gabe on our trip and I just love it. It's a wrapped canvas, 16x24", and I could stare at it all day long!

Before and After

Before we had kids Daniel and I would drive for hours, for fun, just to be together and go somewhere we wanted to go. We would wander around Home Depot, Best Buy, furniture stores, and ritzy malls not to shop, but to dream.  Long drives meant long talks, and meandering through the shops could take hours. In the times we did nothing our love and our friendship grew.

Today we set out on an adventure with the kids. There were five stops on our list: Drive around a neighborhood we might like to live in, donate the massive quantity of clothes and toys in the back of the car, pick up our check from our realtor (as in, our offer was not accepted), Target and Costco. 

The first 15 minutes of driving around the neighborhood were fun, especially since at every turn Juliana shouted out, "I want to live here NOW!"

After those first 15 minutes, things headed downhill.

I have to pee!
I'm hungry!
When are we going to Costco?

Then the self-entertaining began.

This is a skill my kids possess in great measure, but it's neither a quiet activity nor a gentle one. They played: Who can rip the shoe off someone's foot, who can get the hidden sticker out of someone's shirt, and how many songs can we sing at the same time?

At this point I asked Daniel if we lived in a 3 Ring Circus.

Target was fine--they each carried something and we let them browse the toy aisles for a long time--and Costco is always great fun, especially when free samples and frozen yogurt are involved. But by the time we got home, a full 3 hours later, we were all wiped out.

I looked over at my husband, scarcely able to remember when it was just the two of us, and admitted, "I thought this would be fun."

"I am having fun," he said. "This is good."

It is good. Even though before we had kids we had time to simply drive, wander, and dream, now we have cuddles, giggles, and silly games. Before we had quiet, organization, and time; now we have small hands to hold, large messes to enjoy, and the loud, magical sounds of happy children.

And while I am glad we had our children young, since we will still be young when they are gone, I don't wish those days would come quickly, for I am enjoying just being their

Stream of Conciousness

Quiet house tonight save the movie I have playing. Funny how a loud movie sounds quiet to me.

Many thoughts swirl in my mind. Some are worth writing down, others are for the confines of my mind. There alone is a victory for me. Self-control in my words, and not saying whatever I am thinking.

We took our annual trip to Red Lobster for my Dad's birthday last Friday. Mckenna got her usual order--King Crab Legs. Gabe and Jules tried shrimp. One thumb up and one down. Mom and I shared some different dishes, including Lobster Spinach Artichoke Dip. Yum. Daniel ordered his norm, except we tagged a Lobster tail on to his steak and potatoes for Mom and me. We asked for it to be on a separate plate. It wasn't.

Today he worked from home, dopey from the Benadryl he took last night to combat his allergy to shellfish. Apparently just a little Losbter juice on his plate is too much.

Picture from my phone, yikes!

We took over the Jr. High group at church this week, and for the next 16 months give or take. Huge commitment, but one we are excited to make. Each week from now until April Daniel is teaching on one day of the Passion Week of Christ (shout out to Bookman!). Daniel is an insanely gifted teacher.

House shopping tomorrow--it's our third trip out. A little discouraging, but patience is the key virtue in this adventure. God knows what we have and what we need, and He has always provided.

I made my crazy cinnamon rolls yesterday to be baked this morning for my dear friend's son's 17th birthday. Of course we got some too. They take a good 4 hours to create from scratch, but oh are they worth it. Usually they are for Thanksgiving only, maybe Christmas. We had one this morning, and then again for dinner with scrambled eggs. Why not?

The kids and I are finding creative ways to work out since it's 90 degrees here this week. Biggest Loser videos came out of the cabinet on Tuesday. 45 minutes of squats, lunges and constant movement. It's Thursday and walking still causes me problems. So does standing up and being touched at all from the waist down, even by sweet child hands. Gotta do it again tomorrow. I have great compassion for those who struggle to walk.

Going to meet my newest nephew on Saturday, and cannot wait! Oh my goodness I just want to snuggle him. Kody, get ready, cuz Auntie is coming! It's Jadelyn's birthday party that day. My sweet, sweet niece who is a fighter and a gentle spirit. I talked to her on the phone the other day, and oh how she melts my heart. It's hard to imagine she is nearly 3.

Oh the joy these 2 faces bring me!

We spent a wonderful Saturday with Dan's brother, his wife, and their 3 kids. We do not see them often enough, and it's very sweet when we do. Daniel bonded with our niece, Lizzie, and I got to play and play with 1 year old Audrey. We don't get much time with 4 year old Michael--he and Juliana are nearly inseparable.

3 of my treasured girls came for a visit over the weekend. One I met as a Jr. Higher; in fact, along with "Juli J" she was the first student I met in Lake Arrowhead. Then she ended up being my next door neighbor for 6 years. The other 2 amazing young women I met a little later, but spent countless hours with. They 3, along with a few others, are testimony to Daniel and me of the importance of Jr. High Ministry. I love the ladies with my entire heart--they are daughters and sisters to me, all in one.  Thank you Lord for sending them to me the week we started Jr. High Ministry!

I spoke with my beloved Grandmother today for at least half an hour. I am so thankful for her. She is 85, and her mind is sharp. Her dad's stayed sharp into his 90's, and I feel the same will be true of her. She is a strong and determined woman, who loves her own 3 "kids" as well as my 3 kids so very much.

Off to grade papers and wash dishes--the activities of my evening since Benadryl has taken over my hubby.

It's funny when and how old hurts pop up.

We went house shopping today.

We came home excited about a particular house. More than any house we have lived in this house fits our interests, personalities, and our family. And it's a whole lot of house for a great price.

Yet, for whatever reason I looked up our old house that we sold a little over a year ago. That was a home we loved. It was beautiful, and being home was a treat for us. When we took vacation time, we stayed home because our house was that relaxing.

This house has at least as much possibility of being that kind of retreat. It also has everything we need to entertain, hold small group meetings, and homeschool.

And yet, as I looked at the pictures of the built in Daniel custom built to hold the kids' toys, books, and puzzles, at the flowers we planted, at the tile Daniel and I put in on the floor and around the fireplace, at the paint colors, the kitchen counters, and the pool where so many family memories were made, I had a hint of sadness.

But God is good, and the overwhelming thought we have is gratitude to Him. The character we developed in our time of hurt and hardship is priceless.

And so is the place we have come to call home.

This church, this valley, these friends...this is home. And this is so good.

So we are praying about putting an offer on the next house to call ours. We are excited to be here, in this place, for a long, long time if the Lord should allow. We are thrilled to be a part of a healthy, thriving, loving church. And we are forever thankful for the hard times and the good times. In fact, the hard times make the good times ever better.

Our Future Home?

Valentine's Day holds no special, romantic meaning for us. My husband buys me flowers, takes me on dates, and shows me love regularly all year long; it's in my best interest to keep it that way rather than condense it to one day in February. Plus, the first 7 years of our marriage we were with our closest 100 youth group students on Valentine's Day, usually camping in tents in the rain, and rescuing those who didn't bring their rain flap. Uber Romantic.

But one year sticks out as the epitome of my lack of caring about February 14th, so I dug through the archives, and here you go:

So today I went out and about by myself.  We are going to a super fancy party on Saturday, and the dress I am wearing requires certain special undergarments. (This is me, trying to be appropriate with my choice of words). So I went into a certain store in the mall, which is known for it's pink striped bags. Let's call it Veronica's Mystery, if you catch my drift. If you don't, I am probably being appropriate for your sake. 

For some reason, there were a ton of men in there. There were few women.

This is a store I have been in 2-3 times a year for many years. I know this store, it's a girl's store, and if there are men they are usually with a woman. 

It was so weird. 

I couldn't find what I needed, so I asked a cute little girl (yep, I am old. Store employees look like cute little girls, not peers) for help and she was great. Very helpful. The biggest bummer is that nothing was on sale. Nothing. No deal on anything.

I wandered around--something I can do sans children--and made my way to the very long line, full of men, who were alone. The employees upfront called for a back-up cashier. Odd, that's never been needed before.

So strange. What is going on? 

The man in front of me was a typical guy. He was probably 35ish, had a wedding ring on, had clearly just come from work. He had an old school hair cut, seemed a little out of shape, and he was clutching his intended purchase tightly, wadded up in his hand. He was an odd shade of red, and I swear at one point he was sweating.  The line took forever, as each purchase was carefully wrapped and placed into the infamous pink-striped bag. The man in front of me picked up a bottle and absent-mindedly read it. He startled, and quickly set it down. Hmm, how to word this... it was massage oil that would not harm a person's digestive system. 

He and I ended up at cash registers right next to each other, awkwardly close together for any store.  I saw his purchase. Now, there are some beautiful things in this store, things I would not mind owning, but generally find to be too expensive for the length of time they are worn. This one he chose, not so much. It was peach (really, do they make peach clothes any more? I thought those went out in the 80's) and had old-lady lace. No joke, I think he either dug deep because the rest of what is in that store really is not that flattering on someone who has had a few kids recently, or he grabbed the first thing he saw that didn't make him pass out and ran to the line.

I was so bewildered. Then he was done, and his cashier said, "Happy Valentine's Day."

I dropped my wallet. No joke, and all the contents spilled out. It wasn't such a bad thing, it gave me a moment to compose myself.

It's Valentine's Day. The one day a year our usually peaceful, pleasant store is invaded by awkward, uncomfortable husbands who are trying to do the "right" thing.  The one day a year that there is no sale, too few checkers, and tension you could cut with a butter knife.

Once I recovered my belongings and stifled my laughter, I finished my purchase, off-handedly commenting to the young checker (seriously, can they hire 13 year olds, aren't there child labor laws?) that they "sure were busy today." She rolled her eyes, and said:

"Yeah, tell me about it. Last night I was supposed to be out of here by 11 and I didn't leave until 12:15. I can't imagine what tonight will be like."

It was already 4:00. I sure hope those guys get their shopping done soon. 

I made my way through the crowds of men-who-looked-no-woman-in-the-eye, and headed for my car, as that was my last stop. As I excused myself through another unusually long line of people, this time forming a line outside a store, I glanced up at the sign. "See's Candy." Geesh.

Dan, if you read this, let's agree to never, ever celebrate Valentine's Day. You are my love 365 days of the year. And, promise me, honey, that you will never go into Veronica's Mystery, because I do not want a peach old-lady nightie, and men's brains turn into mush, clearly, when they walk in only one day a year. Love you babe.

Time on my Hands is a Frightening Thing

Since I have been sick, I have had some extra time. We have done very little school, I haven't cooked, we've done basic clean up (read: my kitchen floor is filthy but that house is picked up), and I haven't left the house since Monday.

MOST of my extra time has been spent sleeping, snuggling with other sickies, and sleeping. Or thinking about sleeping, or trying not to fall asleep again, or making tea.

But tonight, I got to bed early, without a sick kid with me, and after I talked to my mom on the phone, I still had some energy.

And grading papers didn't sound too fun.

But, I have some sore muscles from being sick, and I had a hard time getting comfy.

So I decided to make a hot compress.

What to use, what to use....

My MIL made some a few year ago--towels sewn into tubes filled with rice that you heat in the microwave. I LOVED mine, but 8 moves later and I can't find mine.

Sniffle, sniffle.

So, I decided I needed something cotton, and something to keep the heat.

And I chose Daniel's least favorite socks, and Oats.

Here you go, another tutorial:

Put the sock in a jar and stretch the top over the mouth to make it easy to fill.
Fill the sock up with Oats (or rice or dried beans).
Tie a knot in the end.
Heat it in the microwave for 2-3 minutes.
It will be hot, but shake it or otherwise distribute the heat, and apply.

Relief.

You're Welcome.

Should Have Chosen the Pukey Kid

I just learned how to unclog a toilet properly.

Seriously.

 

Daniel has always been the toilet unclogger.

But given the choice of dealing with the screaming, coughing-so-hard-she-puked, delirious-from-the-Albuterol child, or un-sticking the toilet that was not only stuck, but then used while stuck...


...I chose the toilet.

I am an optomist.

I had a fever.

I was delirious too.

And I had already been helping the child for an hour, and would get her back clean and fresh this way.

Or so I thought.

Anywho...here's an ungraphic tutorial for you.

{Because you can insert your own graphics of what the water looks like in a toilet that was clogged up all day and then used. Repeatedly. Despite warnings not to use it.}

1. Squirt a few squirts of dish washing soap in the toilet.

2. Pour a lot of hot water in the bowl. Fill the bowl about 3/4 of the way up. Use hot tap water, not boiling water. Boiling water can crack porcelin (no, I don't know from experience).

3. Let that all sit for about 10 minutes. Or 20. Or long enough to rescue your husband from your unreasonable, dizzy, unreasonable, grumpy, sick, unreasonable 4 year old.

4. Grab your plunger. If you don't have one, buy one. Today. Your toilet WILL get clogged.

5. Insert the plunger into the commode. The hole on the plunger should make a seal with the hole that the stuff goes down when you flush.

6.Slowly and firmly push down on the plunger. Then slowly lift it up, without breaking suction, and push down again.

WARNING TO THE NAIVE: Should you decide that I mean fast and furiously instead of slowly and firmly, you will need a shower and lots of laundry detergent when you are done. Because everything will be covered with whatever it is you were plunging. Trust me.

7. Repeat steps 5-6.

Once it all drains out, flush a few times.

Then disinfect the toilet and the entire bathroom, and possibly yourself, if you didn't heed my warning.

If you are me, climb into bed with previously mentioned sick child. Get woken up once an hour with her coughs.

In desperation, Google "cough relief."

Decide to try Vick's VapoRub on her feet plus socks.

Sleep for a few hours in peace.

Seriously.

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Why this method of unclogging? Soap makes things slippery, and has surfactants which make water wetter--loosens and breaks down materials. And, it takes away the odor. Hot water can more quickly disintigrate some things that might be stuck. Lots of water means more pressure on the clog. Slow and firm plunging with a seal between the bowl and the plunger means water is being pushed in and then sucked out, which should work to dislodge whatever is stuck.

THE END

Peaceful, Unified, and Thankful

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.  

~Henry Winkler

Relationships are complex, and often fragile. I have failed to protect certain relationships, and it has shown.

Assumptions on both sides have built walls...no, have dug chasms, that just a few days ago seemed impossible to bridge.

Praise God for doing the seemingly impossible.

Today I am exceedingly thankful for repaired relationships.

However, forgiveness is a tricky thing. Whether or not there has been a heartfelt apology (there has!), hurt tends to linger in dark corners, looking for any scrap of old assumptions, like a hungry, scared, rabid old dog.

I wish I was like God in that I cast the transgressions of others as far as the east is from the west. I wish I could say, "You are forgiven," and hurt, pain, and ways of thinking would disappear. I wish I could forgive and truly forget. It sure would be easier.

But, alas, I am human.

And therefore, I must work at forgiveness.

Let me be clear here. What and who needs forgiving is not the issue. The one who has hurt me has wiped the slate clean, has sought and received my forgiveness. Our relationship is mutually restored. Hallelujah! Amen!

But, the cause of many of the issues was wrong thinking about one another. It is years of built up resentment, bitterness, and inaccuracies. Wasted years. How tragic. The filter through which I run our conversations and interactions must change--that is what is difficult.  

This is ONLY a reflection on me.

Colossians 3:12-16: "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience..."

Because I am a child of God, I can put on these things. To me it seems apparent I need to take off the opposites: coldness, cruelty, arrogance, impertinence, impatience.

"...bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

It's so simple, and yet so hard. I have hurt God more times than one could possibly count. But I revel in His grace and forgiveness. I want to be gracious and forgiving, so others can revel too.

"And above all these put on  love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

That is what I seek in relationships: perfect harmony. Not perfect agreement, as in we can only be friends if we agree, but perfect accord, or a lack of discord. Ironically, this comes through being able to respectfully disagree, being honest when one is hurt, and enjoying each others similarities and differences--this is something I have failed at. But no more!

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

Peaceful, unified, and thankful. This is my new filter. 

The act of forgiveness came easy for me. I wanted things to be good, so when given an opportunity to make them good, I took it. So did the other party, gladly and willingly. 

The process of forgiveness is long and hard, since it requires changing my thinking. But with the strength of God, the discipline to not even let my thinking go down old paths, let alone words or actions, and the mutual desire to grow together, I have no doubt that the next years will not be wasted.

"I will speak ill of no man, 

and speak all the good I know of everybody."
- Benjamin Franklin

2 Loves

I watched the movie The Last Song tonight. Rather than rant to you how much I generally do not like Nicholas Sparks movies, or debate Miley Cirus's ability to take her sitcom skills to the big screen and move past her Hannah Montana persona, I want to share the lyrics from the song at the end.

In case you are super behind on movies, like me, this movie has 2 concurrent plots: young love with significant obstacles, and dealing with divorce and death. I absolutely sobbed for the last 45 minutes, and I am not a crier generally, especially at movies.


That's When I Look at You:

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
Beautiful melody, when the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy

When my world is falling apart,
when there is no light to break up the dark
That’s when I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can’t find my way home anymore
That’s when I look at you

When I look at you
I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am

Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong

and I know I’m not alone

****
Read the Bold section again, and feel the depth of trust, the shelter from the storm found in the eyes of the lover.

I have not one but two such loves.

My husband is my shelter from the waves of the world. He loves me, protects me, cherishes me, holds me up. When the waves flood the shore Daniel rescues me, gives me shelter.

I had an issue a couple a weeks ago when I was in a situation that made me uncomfortable. I told Daniel about it, and asked to come with me the next time I had to be there. Of course he did. Later he told me he wasn't sure why he needed to be there. "You were fine," he said, "I didn't do anything but sit there."

Just knowing you were there made everything better, I told him.  

I knew I was safe, protected, not alone.

****
When there's no light to break up the dark, That's when I look at you.

My light in the darkness is Jesus Christ.  When I look at Him I see forgiveness and Truth. He is the only One who knows every single thing I have done, everything about me, and Loves me for exactly who I am. He is the ultimate lover of my soul.

How blessed am I to have two loves.

One of the recurring questions I am asked is how we kept hope during Daniel's time of unemployment. When you understand that 250 pastors applied to the job Daniel now has, and that we heard numbers that high at every church he applied to, you can see it is not an unreasonable question.

The truth is, we did get down.

The truth is, we felt fear.

The truth is, we investigated other options, because we wanted to be prepared.

But we did not lose hope.

I told the following story at a woman's Bible study last week where I was asked the same question. We all had tears in our eyes, especially me, by the ending.

The week Daniel left the church was Mckenna's birthday week. We faced sudden unemployment, and serious hurt and pain from how that happened. We un-invited everyone but family for Mckenna's party, and we asked for help with the food. Of course our families pitched right in.

Gabe consistently made an odd request that week: He wanted Cheez-Its.

Gabe is lactose intolerant, not a big fan of Cheez-Its, and rarely persistent about any food other than fruit.

But his request, and knowing I could not fulfill it, made our situation very real from the start. We were buying only necessities, and eating the same thing all week to save as much money as possible. Cheez-Its are not really on my approved list anyways, and they were a luxury, therefore I could not buy them. It made me feel horrible.

My Mom arrived early for the party, and brought the food she had told me about--some canned vegetables and fruit to fill out our pantry and fresh fruit for the party. We had discussed on the phone all she was bringing. I had never mentioned Cheez-Its--like I said, that's not the kind of food I feed my kids, and we did not need it.

As I unpacked the brown grocery bags I felt extremely thankful for some provisions to help see us through as we figured out what life would really look like. I felt thankful to God and to my parents.

And then, there, in the final bag, was a red box.

A big red box of Cheez-Its.

I can only imagine how my face looked at the moment, but it was too private, too much between God and me to say anything.
-----

Later that night I cried as I told Daniel what had happened. Tears ran down his face too. God loves us so much He provides for a child's desire, and brings peace to a Momma's heart.

It set the tone for the trial ahead. As we made decisions, as we packed our beloved home, as we sold things, stored things, and moved things; as we said good-bye, as we left somewhere we loved, we had peace that God was in the details. He not only knew what was in store for our lives, He cared down to the details.

It's funny how something like a box of crackers can show Love. But in that moment of pain turned to wonder and joy, no writing on the wall could have told me any clearer: God loves me, He will take care of me, and He knows what I need. Amen.

Stream of Conciousness

Daniel walked the kids to church early--he had to be early and they wanted to go. It's incredible what 15 minutes of utter silence can do for my soul.

School has been different this week. Thursday night I set up the entire table and kitchen counter with science labs. Friday we made silly putty, volcanoes, globes, and dinosaur skeletons, grew crystals and seeds, and made a huge mess.

I haven't cleaned said mess up yet.

Last night we were all so exhausted we had frozen yogurt for dinner. It's a build it yourself and pay by weight place, and we (Daniel) think it's fun to check the receipt and see who got the most. I always win that one.

Frozen yogurt is my favorite food. Ever.

I adore my husband. I wake up every morning thinking that I am the most blessed woman alive to have married him. He loves me so much I cried the other night thinking about how no one else could love me the way he does.

I listened to an excellent sermon on being a wise woman, one who blesses her husband. It talked about how men are problem solvers by nature. If we add to their problems--whether by nagging, complaining, adding burdens, spending too much money, etc.--we become part of their problem.

However, if we solve a problem, we bless them.

So, remove a burden, come in under budget each month, compliment him, thank him, fix something yourself instead of complaining, add money to the budget instead of overspending.

I want to be a blessing to my husband.

The kids have "reverted" to sleeping all in the same room or even the same bed. They just don't like to be away from each other, and 2 of them really like a warm body next to them.

They are still young and super innocent. But we know a day is coming that it will not be appropriate for them to share a sleeping space.

We mourn that day, and at the same time wonder if we need to head that direction now.

The dog and cat play together. It's quite hilarious since she is a tiny little thing, even for a cat, and he is gigantic.

Gabe wants a pet, and is hoping for a bird.

Probably not going to happen.

And now I need to leave for church.

The only Advice I have if you want to Homeschool

When you are ready to throw in the towel, when you feel like a disciplinarian instead of a teacher; when book learning has been shelved because a lack of common respect and manners rules the day, remember:

In the end, it is not about math or reading or history or science.

It is not about test scores, diplomas, or acceptance letters.

Those things will come. 

In the end all our labors are for the glory of God that through His grace we raise children who love and serve Him.

Therefore, die to yourself daily, for these years are short, though the days are long. Put off your own plans and expectations and put on Christ, whose grace is sufficient, whose Word is Truth, whose Love conquers, whose plans surpass our own. 

Enjoy the children the Lord has allowed you the privilege of raising.

Enjoy their curiosity, their energy, their sense of adventure, their day dreams. Enjoy their hopes, their plans, their wacky ideas.

Cook with them, clean with them, run through sprinklers and rain. 

Correct their hearts over their behavior. 

Smile more than you scold.

Read books, not chapters, snuggled on the couch.

Count worms after rainstorms, not manipulatives.

If they make a bug catcher and want to bring their captives inside, let them.

When you read "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" go see a mouse at a pet store and bake cookies.

As you study Rome, wear Togas and stage a war.

If making volcanoes is fun every month, do it over and over.

If learning is fun, they will love to learn.

If Mom is Godly, they will learn Godly character.

If Mom reads her Bible, so will her students.

If Mom relies on the Lord through prayer and patience, they will too.

Who you are is what counts to your children. 

So spend your hours agonizing over what curriculum to buy and what program to use. Go ahead. But once it comes, put it in its place as secondary to your relationship with your children and their relationship with the Lord.

Cutest Conversation with a Lesson

My niece, Jadelyn, who is two and a half, called me for my birthday, and sadly got my voicemail instead of me. My sis, Joanna, could be heard in the background prompting her, and this is how the message went:

 



Say "Hi Auntie Carlee!"

Hi Auntie!!!!


Say "Happy Birthday!"
Happy Day!!!!


Say "I miss you!"
I iss you!!!!



Say "I love you"
I uv ewe!!!!




Say "Bye-bye."
No.


Jadelyn, Auntie's not there, say, "Bye-bye."
No.













Obviously my niece's enthusiasm for calling me is adorable, touching, and sweet, and of course I absolutely saved the message. But Daniel and I both saw a much deeper lesson in her parroted conversation.

Our commitment to obedience only goes so far.

I obey the authorities, except when I want to go faster than the speed limit.
I do what my husband desires, until it seriously impedes my own.
I will follow God and His ways, unless I think He asks too much.

Tonight Daniel spoke on God's will for our lives. Contrary to how that term is often thought of, God's will according to the Bible is not a specific set of choices we will make. It is not who we marry, what career we choose, where we live, etc. Instead it is who we are, and who we are becoming. If we live His way--righteous, sanctified (set-apart from sin), pure, in submission to authority, and with Him in focus--the choices we make will follow along and we will likely be making wise choices anyways.


Jadelyn wanted to say to me all the cute things her mommy told her to say, until she didn't, and then obeying Mommy became really hard, and she naturally rebelled.

I want to live God's way, but sometimes it is hard. I want to live in His will, by being and becoming a person of Godly character, but sometimes it is hard. I know what I should do, but I naturally rebel.

However, just like Joanna knew that Jadelyn was talking to a voicemail not a real person, God knows what is best for me, and when I seek after what is false, instead of pursuing what is real, He lovingly corrects and guides me.

Even when it's hard.

Beginnings and Endings

In the midst of a wonderful week of homeschool--which is going incredibly well--soccer, church activities starting up, and a nice change in weather, today has been sobering.

First I heard that a dear man, the father of a friend of mine with whom I was very close in Jr. High and High School, is on hospice. I don't have the right to share his personal information, but he has endured physical and emotional suffering beyond what most of us even can imagine, as a result of contracting a disease while receiving treatment in a hospital, in the 80's I think. As long as I have known him he has worked hard, lived hard, played hard, and dealt well. A recent second diagnosis of a new disease, followed by pneumonia, seem to have worn out his tired body. My friend said that saying he has a few weeks is pushing it.

Tonight I read some words that were possibly even harder. An incredible friend of mine from college, who lost her first child to a blood issue at 6 years old, is in the adoption process with 2 children from Haiti. But the Lord saw fit to relieve the tiny little sister of her lifetime of suffering, not by bringing her home to a family who already loves her, but to her final home in heaven. I know that this precious child is now relieved from all her pain, and she is truly safe in the arms of God, but I grieve for my friend, her husband, and their two children. That phrase my kids like to throw out, "it's not fair," rings in my head too.

I am reminded how much passion and love there is in me for orphans. I do not know what plans God has for us with orphans and adoption--right now we support an orphanage and school in Haiti--but I know that my heavy heart leads me to serious prayer for orphans, for adoptive parents, and tonight for my friends.

Please pray with me this week for these two families. One is seeing a courageous man finish, one is in the thick of a battle to save orphaned children, a new start.

I feel successful at life right now.

That's a year in the making.

Many of you walked with us down a very hard journey of sudden unemployment, quick moves, ups and downs of applying and candidating for new jobs,  experiencing joy with our children while experiencing discouragement as adults, and finally finding a new home; that led to another quick move and another large adjustment.

But it is safe to say the adjustment has been made, the transition is ceasing to be transition, and life has really begun again full force.

And it's good to feel successful at life again.

I have a tendency to want to be perfect at everything I do. I am not a perfectionist in the way most people think--my papers in college weren't always the neatest, I don't have a whole lot of OCD symptoms, and while I am a bit germaphobic, I am okay with some clutter and some messes--rather I attack life with gusto. It's why we have to vacation away from home...if I am here I am striving to be the perfect on vacation mom and wife...and that usually serves to drive my dear husband insane.

The way my thinking works is that if I am going to do something, I might as well do it all the way.

If I am going to be a wife, I want to be an incredible wife.
If I am going to be a mom, I want to be an awesome mom.
If I am going to be your friend, I am going to be a true and loyal friend.

And I can list for you all the things that being that person means, point by perfect bullet point.

That mentality has transferred over into my relationship with God.

If I am going to follow Christ, I want to be a perfect Christ Follower.

And yet, the message of the cross is that none are perfect. None are able to reach God on their own merit. None can attain righteousness or holiness. Not if given the garden of Eden; not if given the Law; not if given prophets, judges, kings or promises. No one can do it on their own.

We need a Savior to be able to go to heaven, but we also need a Savior to live on Earth.

In striving to do all the things I thought God wanted me to do, I forgot the message of the cross and I made my own law. I forgot that God is concerned with WHO I AM more than WHAT I DO.

It was exhausting.

In our Leadership Training (which my husband wrote and led, and I was considered a leader of--ha!), we took 3 tests to help us see our Spiritual Gifts, our Learning Styles, and our Personality types. I knew mine, for I have taken many such tests, but it's what Daniel told us that has made such a difference.

The "Love" chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, which we so often use at weddings, is sandwiched in between 2 chapters about spiritual gifts. And in Corinth, the believers were elevating certain gifts, desiring certain gifts, and in general trying to do what I was trying to do--do something they were not called to do, something they were not gifted by God to do!

And Paul is telling them, be glad for who God made you to be. Use your own gifts and be thankful for them. And whatever you do, do it in love, for even good deeds that are done for wrong motives count for evil.

I don't need to be the perfect anything. I don't need to serve in every soup kitchen, go to 3rd world countries, start a preschool ministry, run a small group, teach a Bible Study, volunteer around the community, homeschool my kids, give money to each homeless person, pass out tracts on street corners....

I don't need to do any of those things, unless I am called by God to do them. I am free to focus on the specific things He has put before me, things I am capable of and passionate about, and I can let go of everything I have created to be important.

All of those things can be good things, but not all of them are what all of us need to do all of the time.

Instead, I will seek out the Lord, learn His ways, follow His Truth.
Instead, I will serve my husband because when I do, I serve my God.
Instead, I will love my children, teach them at home, be actively involved in their lives as long as God grants them to me, because THAT is what He has given me to do, and THAT is what I love.
Instead, I will spend my time helping women grow in their faith, to know what Scripture says, giving them practical wisdom in being godly women, wives and moms, because that is where my passion lies, and that is what I am good at.

I will be someone who cares for everyone. I will cheerfully serve and give. I will say yes as I am available, and no when it is right to. I will meet needs as I am able, but I am released of the guilt of not meeting every need, and being everything to everyone, because when I think I can, I try to become my own god.

As I look back on my life, the times I was closest to God were very busy times, but they were very focused. Years spent in youth ministry, with people in our home all the time, with hours poured into younger women, and hours poured into my kids. Months spent focused on a single mission, like sending shoes to Haitian children, or supporting a friend going through a horrible time. Those are the times in my life that I know I was being who God has called me to be.

And at the end of all my days, there will be no greater thing than to know I put my time, my energy and my love into the right things.

Amen.

I love peace, order, cleanliness and beauty. I love clean carpet and open floor space.

But right now if you came to my home...

you might find the living room turned into a train depot. And most likely at least 2 kids and 1 adult would be using remote controls to keep 6 trains from colliding.

We have multiple tables, and we use them all, but generally we clear them daily, wipe them down, and put some kind of decoration out.

But right now if you came to my home...

you would find this puzzle out. You might try to fit a piece in its correct spot (good luck! It's all zebras), and you might find us gathered around trying to sort the pieces (is this one white with black stripes or black with white stripes?).

I am a minimalist in a lot of things, including decorations, but I do love having a few nice things out--candles, pictures, a few odds and ends I have.

But right now if you came to my home...

Snow White, Cinderella and Ariel would grace your presence, serving as decor and dolls all in one.

Right now, my house does not always look very grown up.
Right now, there are red and blue plastic toys mixed in with glass candle holders.
Right now, the back grass needs mowing and a good dusting is in order.

But right now will be gone in only a few years. So right now I am the mom who lets her kids help decorate.

I grounded a child for the first time today.

I'm not sure who is more traumatized, me or her.

I have committed to her to not air her struggles, either in person or on the internet, but I can say it has a lot to do with her continual disregard for authority (namely, me) and a lack of self-control (she self diagnosed that issue).

Once she resigned herself to her discipline, she wanted to talk. An hour later she thanked me for grounding her. If you had been in the kitchen with us 60 minutes earlier, your mouth would be on the floor right now. We came a long way in those precious minutes.

She started off feeling unloved because I was disciplining her. She hates the idea of grounding and wished she could have made it through her whole life avoiding it. I did too. But her disrespect for me, and then her switch of attitude once there was a firm consequence announced, revealed to me that she hates her consequences, but not her sin.

-----

Tracing out the pathway that disrespect for parents inevitably leads a child down, I showed her some logical patterns that she could expect in her life if she did not change her attitude toward me.

Disregard for my instruction will lead to disregard for the instruction of an employer. She could easily see that she would then have a hard time finding a job.

Talking to me in a rude, mean way, and making wild remarks could easily morph into ruined friendships and eventually into ruining her (very distant future) marriage. Daniel and I do not talk to each other that way, and it damages a relationship to speak or act with disregard for another's feelings, even when she is mad.

And, ultimately, a child who shows lack of respect for her parents will not want to heed the teachings of God--and that is too large of a price to pay.

------------------

I contrasted 2 lists found in Galatians 5:

First: Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions,  divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. (I edited for age appropriateness!)
  
Second: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness,  self-control; against such things there is no law. 

She knew the second list. And said "self-control" when I was still at "joy." She is a smart one.

Since this afternoon when the grounding occurred, she has either been on her bed, at the dinner table with us, or doing chores.   Her attitude has been overall cheerful, and she has told me she knows she needed a strong consequence.

I have grieved each time I walk past her closed door. I miss her playing games with us, I miss her tinkling on the piano, playing the 5 songs she knows. I miss her smile and her contributions to our conversations. I think this is harder on me than on her.

-----------------

Now I have decided I want someone in my life to show me where I am going wrong, to give me a firm consequence, and to love me back to the right direction.

But, alas, I am an adult, and I am accountable to myself and to God. Daniel and I can help each other, but only so much. He can't ground me :o)

It is up to me to become more and more self-controlled. To think before I speak, to weigh my motives and my attitudes, to do what is right even when I don't feel like it.

No one but me can change my heart, no one but me can grow my faith. With God's strength I can be all I want and need to be. But it takes work. I feel like my daughter--full of reasons and excuses--but when Truth is laid before me I know I am accountable for my own actions.

------------------

As I gear up for an insanely busy fall, homeschooling my 3 precious kids; grading papers (this year I have 2 extra high school sets and Jr. High papers as well); shuffling soccer (all 3 are playing!!) and church activities; aiding my husband in his ministry by having people in our home weekly, being at his events, going over his papers and plans;  maybe doing some tutoring; and all the normal wife and mom things I love to do, I know I have to make some changes in my time management.

I have not decided yet what I will change. I most likely will give up Facebook. I know I will not watch any shows online (we don't have cable but watch a few shows on Hulu). I doubt I will talk on the phone much at all.

You can be praying for me as I figure out how to love my husband, my kids, and my home with all I am. That is my heart's desire, but I have strayed from putting my full time and attention into them.

If I want my daughter to crave the Fruit of the Spirit, then I must be joyfully displaying them. Period.

Oh, and let's pray for no more groundings--it's really hard on me :o)